Saturday, 19 June 2010

Right said Moff

"We need a new direction
No old monsters imported from the past."
We tried to write it, no one really liked it
The shoot was going nowhere
And so we put the Daleks in and

"Right," said Moff, "We need some bigger writers
Get me Stoppard, Mamet or Frayn."
Tried a few tricks, visited the Old Vic
The agents got us nowhere and so
We got Chris Chibnall in.

And Piers had a think and he thought he ought
To get a new companion, a traditional companion
So we got her kit off and it did the trick for Moff.

"Right," said Moff, "What about the Doctor?
An older Doctor with gravitas and style."
Had some screen tests, even got to contracts
But the Beeb said, "Old Doctors? No!"
So Moff said, "Let's get a cheap feller in"
And Piers said, "Right-o."

"Right," said Moff, "We need to change the TARDIS
We need more rooms to liven up the show."
Had to snub it when we saw the budget
And it got us nowhere
And so we put some extra stairs in.

"Right," said Moff, "We need to turn it down now
That fanwank is gonna have to go."
Took the Voord out, even with the Garm out
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a little squee and

Piers had a drink and he said, "Look Moff,
I've got a sort of feeling
If we reshoot the first scene
With a prayer or two we could still muddle through."

"Right," said Moff, "Let's get back to basics
We need to keep things sweet at Upper Boat."
We brought back the Slitheen, wayward casting, finales with Tom Cobley and all...
Then Piers and me had a chat with RTD who said "Told ya so."

(I said to Piers, "We'll just make the show like it was with Russell, that's all.
Trouble with Moffat is, he's too randy. Won't get nowhere if you’re too randy")

(song stolen from TachyonTV)

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